Alligator Bayou Interviews

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...Beloved Alligator Bayou has been recently drained by the removal of a floodgate, at the insistence of mitigation bankers....who seem unconcerned about the displacement and deaths of the animals, the corruption and threat to the plants and trees.... I am writing a research paper about it. In the meantime, here are some thoughts from some representative voices...

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The Gator: I don’t know why we need experts to tell us that extreme alterations cause nature pain. What if a large hand reached down and removed your house? Would you be able to live on the land not custom built for your use? What was it like during the two weeks following Hurricane Gustav, when a major player of your summer environment, the air conditioner, was suddenly removed? Or think about how it felt to drive around without stoplights, worried that you wouldn’t find gas or food before the curfew? It is wrong to do this to a population of animals and trees. And I’m sorry, fellow animals, but especially the trees. They are really, really, old, like 2000 years. They’re like our grandparents, especially the old cypress trees. I think my grandmother was actually married to one, though I'm not completely sure...





The Bird: I don't think 50 is old if you are a tree. Why not ask the Americans to relocate? I mean don't they have a need to stimulate themselves? And isn't it easier to move a street sign then a big puddle full of alligators or feasting crows? These are questions not really answers that have questions. I think it should be illegal for ill-informed people to make a profit off of nature. Should farmers really get paid for "growing" cows and things like that, I don't think the cows get any "real" money. Also from my point of view lastly I believe that banks should not be able to migrate. They could get confused with aliens and we'd end up killing the wrong people. It'd be truly sorry! I could be thinking, but that might be wrong, it's just my opinion, what's yours?




The Gators: They even look like our grandparents. When you're out there on the bank with them you feel like they're listening to you, waiting to tell them about your life so they can forget again and you can tell them again later. But they know your soul. At least it feels like they do. It feels mysterious on the bank near the oldest tree, and peaceful too. I'm worried that mystery and that peace is going to be gone. Yes, the tree looks dead already but Jim Ragland and Frank Bonifay say it's still living, and that it's one of the oldest trees in the world.



Woman who lives at the end of the road:
I told my husband to load his shotgun for the first time in nine years. I told my children alligators are not lizards. Do you know
alligators kill more babies than sharks? I won't let my little Daniel
outside since the opening of the floodgates. Did you know alligators
cause more AIDS than dolphins? We can't have alligators on our
playgrounds, in our pools, or at our barbecues unless we're grilling
one. Did you know alligators ruin the top layer of soil? Look it up.
Put that in your paper. Explain that issue.

Poochie-BOo! Halloween Dogs....

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Flecha here looks stunning in her bee costume.





And from the South Seas....


"Aye! She'll be walkin the plank fer dressin me as a bloody scurvy dog!!"

(I don't know this dog's name but the interview source is the guardian and wardrobe assistant, Green Bean owner Katie Southard)




And here's a sad little devil....



But he's perked up in this next shot!



...and seems perfectly happy in his next costume:






And then there's Briscoe, who also enjoys wardrobe changes.






Lucky dogs!


Not to be outdone, though, honorary dog Eliot is willing to try out a few costumes.

Shrimp and Petroleum Fesitval

Yesterday, I ventured with some friends to the Shrimp and Petroleum Festival in Morgan City, LA.

Here is where I dined.


Yes, that's right. This stand, Fontenot's, had not only Frog Legs, Fried Rabbit, Fried Rattlesnake and Cajun Goat, but also: Squirrel on a Stick. Unfortunately, they were out of raccoon.

And for dessert:

Yard Frolic

Creatures

Someone ate all the leaves off my tomato plant. Pictures coming soon.

Meanwhile, a war has been waged in the front yard: it's the gardener versus fire ants. Both sides have won and lost territory and although the casualties are all ants, the human did not triumph without injury. Ground covers have been installed but the human is in respite and planning the next campaign against the ants, who were busy building in the area very near the gardening locations....

“I am the Fairy of Realness,” she announced and curtsied before the professor.

“Bug!” said the professor. “There’s a bug in here.” She swatted at the fairy with her notebook.

The fairy, terrified, flew to the ceiling and out the door.

In the hallway just outside the classroom she found a corner of the ceiling to float in and she cried and cried. She had tried to tell them, tell the professor who she was exactly, why should she be a welcome member of the experimental poetry class.

Later she cried to Randy Elf at New York Pizza.

“Whatever, you just have to get over it,” he mumbled. “They used to do that shit to me before they realized I could actually write things.”

The class was just too large; that was what it was; the professor needed to get rid of people so she could actually teach them. Maybe the fairy would register earlier next time and actually get a spot in the class.

My neighbor, George, disappeared again last week and his owner went out walking the streets to find him. In my opinion, George was uncreative in what he chose to do with his freedom. He just went out and met another dog. The man only walked five blocks before spotting him outside the fence of a yard that held a Pomeranian.

"So you found yourself a girlfriend," the man said as he walked up on George, who greeted him briefly and then continued sniffing the Pomeranian's nose, like a dog.

(Dogs are so sociable; they have so many friends. I would be uncomfortable touching the nose of of a stranger but they seem to love it.)

The man wasn't angry with him and George, having found another dog, briefly forgot about the scene from the previous night. Fortunate for me because I'm always the one George barks to about whatever's going on, even though I act uninterested and go about my business.